I had to check the last time I posted a blog. It was five months ago, which is actually sooner than I thought, but I also hadn’t posted for four months before that. Basically, motherhood = quicksand for blogging.
I’m 34 weeks pregnant today with baby boy. His sweet sister is 20 months, and I’m having all the feelings about adding another child (let alone a boy!) into our family. I’m documenting this for my own “dear diary” sake, but I’m taking you along for the ride.
Physically, this pregnancy has been much harder than Emmy’s, even though I’ve been about 100% more active. With Emmy’s pregnancy, I spent almost all of the time on the couch. Not because I felt terrible (although there were those days), but because I was just lazy. Now I’ve got a toddler to chase after, and I try and get to the gym twice a week. Pilates has also helped a lot, but I’m still dealing with SI joint pain and restless leg syndrome–which should be used as a form of torture if it isn’t already.
Woooooooooah doozy. I’ve got a lot of feels. Mainly because I, like most parents of one child, am having a *really* hard time thinking that I can love another child as much as I love Emmy. I know, I know–I will be able to and it’ll be amazing how much my heart can expand (as much as my hips? hopefully). But that’s no consolation for what I’m feeling now as I walk through the “big feelings” stage with Emmy. She has no clue what’s going to hit her. She’ll be 22 months when he arrives. Bless it.
Thankfully, I know that I was obsessed with my little sister when she arrived, so I’m hoping Emmy takes to the role as I did. I also know that grace upon grace upon grace for our little girl will be super important. She’s not even two, for crying out loud.
I also am having a hard time wrapping my head around caring for two kids. Honestly it seems impossible, but thankfully there are those of you who do this for a living and are still alive, so that gives me hope. I just can’t wrap my head around getting two kids in and out of the car, run errands, whatever. Like, I’m already sweating thinking about that. Two kids + fluctuating hormones + a Florida summer = WOW that lady needs a towel or a shower or both.
Not going to lie, my first thoughts when we found out it was a boy (even though my mama gut had told me it was a boy from very early on), was, “What do we do with a boy?!” I only have sisters, Matt only has a sister, and I’ve really only babysat girls. I’m actually still wrapping my head around what it’ll look like to add a boy to our family. My one comfort in this nervousness is that we KNOW that God is the one who knits families together, and he’d only send us the one right child for us. And THAT makes me excited.
What’s his name????
Because I sometimes think we’re part of the royal family (Emory *Catherine* is a nod to Princess Kate), we keep our babies’ names tight lipped until their arrival, just like the royals do. There are only three people who know his name: me, Matt, and Emmy. And Emmy can’t really say it, so our secret is safe ;) We’ve had complete strangers ask if we have a name picked, and we don’t even tell them.
Will you have more? Is this the last one since you’ll have a boy and a girl?
I don’t love that everyone asks this, but I know I wonder it about my friends, too. Honestly, we don’t know! I can see us both being “done” and adding one more–but I think only time and experience and listening to God’s will for our family will tell. Postpartum was REALLY hard with Emmy, and if it’s the same this go-round then I’ll obviously be less inclined to have a go at “third time’s the charm.”
Will you breastfeed?
Also, another interesting “not your business” question, but I seem to be into answering those, SO: yes. I will breastfeed. I will maybe breastfeed for one day. I will maybe breastfeed for one year. I will maybe breastfeed until it makes you uncomfortable. Breastfeeding was insanely difficult and painful with Emmy (did you see a lactation consultant? did you try essential oils? was she checked for a lip/tongue tie? it was probably your latch. #momgroups) and while we tried a lot of things, ultimately it was not the right decision for us to continue (mainly thanks to PPA and DMER, google it) and we stopped after about 8 weeks. I’d really love to go longer with baby boy, but obviously my mental health has got to come first, so formula is never off the table.
Will you try for a home birth again?
No, we are delivering at a birth center this time. Honestly, laboring at home (for EIGHTEEN HOURS) was so so so hard. I thought that it would be all comfy cozy and help being in “my” space, but I think it actually made it worse. I felt trapped once nighttime came, and had a hard time getting in the right head space. I think a birth center will be the best of both worlds for us. They’ve also got nitrous oxide (laughing gas) if I need it to take the edge off (they compare it to having a cocktail, and it wears off immediately once I take the mask off if I don’t like how it makes me feel). Another huge perk of a birth center is that they’ve got anti-nausea meds on hand–which will be amazing if my body decides to vomit like the exorcist with this birth like I did with Emmy’s. #transition
Obviously, despite all of the trepidation I’m feeling, we are beyond excited to meet our sweet little guy. I can’t wait to see what he looks like, if he has hair, what his personality is like, etc. I can’t wait to hold him against my chest once he’s born, and to make him feel safe and loved like we did with his sister. And I can’t wait for her to meet him, and hopefully she’ll realize he’s here to stay.
And no, his name is not Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor.