I’m nervous and writing to calm my nerves, and this is what comes out of nervous writing: word vomit.
Somehow, miraculously, I have two job interviews this week. Two. And one starts in….37 minutes. (Don’t worry, it’s a phone interview. Cue sweatpants.) I’m not even going to post this blog on social media because I don’t want more people knowing about these opportunities juuuuuuust in case they don’t work out. So, if you’re reading this, you’re lucky. You somehow stumbled on this and might be the only person to ever read this. Magical.
Somehow, I decided that beginning my master’s program four weeks ago means that I’m completely established and stress-free and could now begin applying for a new job (I currently have a job) that relates to what I’m studying. Sure, that’s great. No stress here. Not a to-do list that has to be checked off before 7:57 a.m. tomorrow morning. Nope. Not blogging to procrastinate and take my mind off of how now there’s only 35 minutes until a renowned doctor and scientist calls me to interview me. Not worried at all that I just misspelled scientist (I fixed it).
I might throw up.
The emotional roller-coaster that these two interviews have caused is unreal. I’ve gone from not caring at all if I get either of these to thinking that if I don’t get one of them than I’ll never have a job in health to now I just want to get them over with and I’ll figure out how I feel later.
Normally, I don’t care at all about job interviews. I take a very lassiez faire attitude towards new professional adventures. If it happens, it happens. But now I’m invested. I care. I want. And I’m S C A R E D. I want to pretend like I could care less if I don’t get either of these jobs, but it’s not. working.
I feel like you guys are here with me, waiting with me in anticipation for the phone to ring. It’s really comforting. Like when it rings and I run into my bedroom for silence and comfort you’ll all be cheering and waiting on the couch to hear how it went. Bless you for that.
But still, imightthrowup.
Some of you might be thinking, “Amanda, why do you have a picture of a really fancy bar for this blog post?” And if you’re asking yourself why I included a picture of a gorgeous bar that has delicious drinks while writing about how NERVOUS I am, mayyyybe this isn’t the blog for you. I had a drink there called Berry Alive and I feel like it might be perfect right now.
I still have to finish the 3-hour NIH Human Subjects Training by tonight. Which is kind of funny, because it’s all about making sure that you do ethical things in research and that humans know what they’re getting themselves into and that you don’t trick them. If you knew me, you’d know I’m not very good at tricking people into things. I did sales for, oh I don’t know, a month, at a gym. I had to sell gym memberships and personal training. I loved the place, but it was expensive. One time I was talking with a family who was considering purchasing a membership and they said they didn’t know if they could because it would just be too expensive. Instead of “overcoming their obstacles” I told them that I totally got it and that I only had a membership there because I worked there (and it was free) and that I’d never buy an actual membership.
Like I said, I’m REALLY good at tricking people into things.
Annnd my alarm just went off on my phone….10 minutes and counting.
My hands are literally sliding off of the keyboard because I’m sweating so much. Here goes nothing.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way, walk in it.” // Isaish 30:21
(If you made it through this entire post, bless you.)