I guess I should start by saying that yes, I am still alive (even though the FOUR MONTH HIATUS from here would suggest otherwise).
But really, I’m struggling. And if you can help me, I want to hear it.
How do you become intentional?
I really struggle with that. Loving intentionally, working intentionally, praying intentionally, worshipping intentionally, having intentional relationships (which I accidentally spelled REALationships, ironically), LIVING intentionally.
I feel like I don’t do much of anything intentionally. Maybe cooking I do intentionally, only because the kitchen is a crazy place, but outside of that I feel like I am drifting through each day without purpose. You know when you’re in the ocean on a floatie and you can’t touch the bottom? You just kind of float around, rocking from side to side? That. That’s what I’m doing every day. And I don’t like it.
I see all of these other people (don’t worry, this isn’t a comparison trap, it’s admiration) that seem to be living really calculated lives. Their purpose(s) seep from every Instagram or blog post. They’re hard workin’ mamas without a moment to spare. They hide their cell phones for 5 hours a day so that they can be intentional with their family. The other umpteen hours a day they’re working hard at the businesses they create and that. they. looove. and then they go on coffee dates with their BFFs to make sure that they’re nurturing that part of life as well. Whaaaaat? That is so far from where I am at.
And I don’t even have a kid.
I wish I had a bunch of girlfriends that I could brunch and coffee date with, dumping all of these fears onto. But really I only have like two to three best girlfriends and they don’t live close to me. Which yes, is sad, but is also why I am resorting to blogging about this. I need YOU to coffee date with me, virtually, here. I just don’t do girlfriendships well. (Maybe because I’m not intentional….)
I want to love Matt intentionally. I want him to know that I am purposefully doing/feeling/showing him love every single day. I don’t want my love to happen “just because”.
I want my best friends to know that I love and treasure them and that, even though I am not intentional about it, I am here for them for even the littlest of things. Because I love them. And because it is such an honor to be in their lives, walking alongside them. That’s a gift, people.
I want to be intentional in my professional life, once I find out what that’s supposed to actually look like. Hopefully grad school opens mighty doors (did I tell you I got into grad school?) and hopefully I’m intentional in grad school because really, it’s only a year, and anyone can do that. I can’t even imagine you people who open your own businesses, because that is rooted in intentionality. You’re killing it, so share some advice.
I want to be intentional about this blog not for any other reason than it makes me a little bit happy to word vomit all over a website that I think will exist forever because, well, that’s the world wide web.
I want to be intentional in my relationship with my sweet Savior. This should really be at the top of the list, but again, word vomit. I bet that even if I was just intentional in this area that I’d see myself being intentional in other areas, but we’re flawed humans and can’t seem to get anything right, amiright?
The funniest thing about all of those wants is that it doesn’t even seem that exhausting or difficult. I think that if I could really live intentionally it would actually feed me instead of deplete me.
Obviously I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill because if I would just pick one of these things and DO IT I would realize it’s easy to be intentional and that the people I love most will benefit from it. But again, #flawed.
Life gets busy (and hard) and people move away. Yet obviously my heart is yearning for intentionality.
Guys, HELP. How are you intentional in your lives? How do you cultivate that?
(So, before you word vomit back on me, just an FYI that I don’t do “daily” well. I can’t take vitamins daily. I can’t read the Bible daily. I can’t do a seven day daily workout challenge daily. Because I just fail. I’m just not wired that way. We can work on the daily thing once I learn to be intentional because, well, it’ll require being intentional. Crap.)
HELP! I love you all.