I need your help…

I guess I should start by saying that yes, I am still alive (even though the FOUR MONTH HIATUS from here would suggest otherwise).

But really, I’m struggling. And if you can help me, I want to hear it.

How do you become intentional?

I really struggle with that. Loving intentionally, working intentionally, praying intentionally, worshipping intentionally, having intentional relationships (which I accidentally spelled REALationships, ironically), LIVING intentionally.

I feel like I don’t do much of anything intentionally. Maybe cooking I do intentionally, only because the kitchen is a crazy place, but outside of that I feel like I am drifting through each day without purpose. You know when you’re in the ocean on a floatie and you can’t touch the bottom? You just kind of float around, rocking from side to side? That. That’s what I’m doing every day. And I don’t like it.

Matt being really intentional about beating me at Sudoku.

Matt being really intentional about beating me at Sudoku.

I see all of these other people (don’t worry, this isn’t a comparison trap, it’s admiration) that seem to be living really calculated lives. Their purpose(s) seep from every Instagram or blog post. They’re hard workin’ mamas without a moment to spare. They hide their cell phones for 5 hours a day so that they can be intentional with their family. The other umpteen hours a day they’re working hard at the businesses they create and that. they. looove. and then they go on coffee dates with their BFFs to make sure that they’re nurturing that part of life as well. Whaaaaat? That is so far from where I am at.

And I don’t even have a kid.

I wish I had a bunch of girlfriends that I could brunch and coffee date with, dumping all of these fears onto. But really I only have like two to three best girlfriends and they don’t live close to me. Which yes, is sad, but is also why I am resorting to blogging about this. I need YOU to coffee date with me, virtually, here. I just don’t do girlfriendships well. (Maybe because I’m not intentional….)

With the BFF, being *intentional* when she visited a few months ago.

With the BFF, being *intentional* when she visited a few months ago.

I want to love Matt intentionally. I want him to know that I am purposefully doing/feeling/showing him love every single day. I don’t want my love to happen “just because”.

I want my best friends to know that I love and treasure them and that, even though I am not intentional about it, I am here for them for even the littlest of things. Because I love them. And because it is such an honor to be in their lives, walking alongside them. That’s a gift, people.

I want to be intentional in my professional life, once I find out what that’s supposed to actually look like. Hopefully grad school opens mighty doors (did I tell you I got into grad school?) and hopefully I’m intentional in grad school because really, it’s only a year, and anyone can do that. I can’t even imagine you people who open your own businesses, because that is rooted in intentionality. You’re killing it, so share some advice.

I want to be intentional about this blog not for any other reason than it makes me a little bit happy to word vomit all over a website that I think will exist forever because, well, that’s the world wide web.

I want to be intentional in my relationship with my sweet Savior. This should really be at the top of the list, but again, word vomit. I bet that even if I was just intentional in this area that I’d see myself being intentional in other areas, but we’re flawed humans and can’t seem to get anything right, amiright?

The funniest thing about all of those wants is that it doesn’t even seem that exhausting or difficult. I think that if I could really live intentionally it would actually feed me instead of deplete me.

Being intentional on my 19th birthday a million years ago. See, I could do it at one point!

Being intentional on my 19th birthday a million years ago. See, I could do it at one point!

 

Obviously I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill because if I would just pick one of these things and DO IT I would realize it’s easy to be intentional and that the people I love most will benefit from it. But again, #flawed.

Life gets busy (and hard) and people move away. Yet obviously my heart is yearning for intentionality.

Guys, HELP. How are you intentional in your lives? How do you cultivate that?

(So, before you word vomit back on me, just an FYI that I don’t do “daily” well. I can’t take vitamins daily. I can’t read the Bible daily. I can’t do a seven day daily workout challenge daily. Because I just fail. I’m just not wired that way. We can work on the daily thing once I learn to be intentional because, well, it’ll require being intentional. Crap.)

HELP! I love you all.

xo, A.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “I need your help…

  1. Doesn’t the very fact that you’re thinking about it mean you are intentional about things? Hell, what do I know?? I’m the worlds best procrastinator/avoider and struggle with this stuff too…if you figure it out let me in on it please! Hugs x

    • Girlfriend, I hear ya! I am procrastinator extraordinaire. It’s so good to know that I am not alone. Hopefully I can learn to be intentional in my actions, not just in my thoughts ;)

  2. I think if we are honest, we all feel this way a lot of the time. I have my own business and a. Kid and all those things you mentioned, and I can assure you I feel like I’m treading water and barely keeping my head above ground. (Okay so it’s water… But I kept it there so you can see what I mean!)

    There is a lie permeating our generation that says we can have it all. You can’t. It just doesn’t work that way. But, we can give or all to some things. Start small. If 7 days of setting isn’t doable, try for 4. If that won’t work, go for two. And pick one thing – quiet time, workout, etc, and just focus on it. When two or four days becomes routine (and it might take a while but that’s okay!) then keep adding a day week by week, and move on to a new area. You can’t build a pyramid in one setting – it must be laid brick by brick, and you’ve gotta make your own bricks first. Meaning, build those habits, and add them to your pyramid.

    I LOVE the seeds devotionals by Priscilla Schirer. One verse – that’s it – but it teaches how to suck the marrow out of one verse and see the message Christ wrote just for you. It’s fabulous, and it’s a great way to be intentional with Christ even when life is, well, life.

    Being intentional with relationships for me is finding out what will make my husband feel loved, and then doing those things. It’s a learning process, but it’s setting that time aside and just looking him in the face and asking more than how was your day but “how did you feel successful” and so forth. A couple married many years sometimes finds just 15 minutes – but they make them count with asking the big questions and just focusing.

    Oh- and one thing that’s working great for us is praying together aloud. We get to hear each other’s hearts and fears and praises while getting aligned with Chist. I call it a twofer.

    And when all else fails, schedule! It doesn’t need to be as vanilla as it sounds (although I LOVE vanilla, I hate that it gets a bad rap!) my BFF and I alternate who’s turn it is to call. It’s not weekly (or always monthly) but it happens. When I see a card I know will make her laugh I buy it… And when I get around to it (lol intentional fail!) I mail it. A simple text goes a long way just to let someone know you’re thinking of them and love them.

    So there’s a lot of word vomit for you :) I’m not nearly as intentional as I would like to be and your words have inspired me greatly! What I try to remember is just do what I can do, and be okay with that. I think the guilt we put on ourselves clogs up our potential… We can’t do it all, but we can do some things really well. Prioritize and start small and know that just a desire to improve and a willingness to try is all that’s required to make progress :)

    Hang in there! And if you ever want to chat further my email is jennette@jennetteholzworth.com :)

    • Jennette, what sweet words these are! I will ABSOLUTELY look into the devos by Priscilla. If there’s one thing I can be intentional about, it’s reading! :) Praying out loud has totally aligned Matt and I (but again, the daily thing…gah!). Also, I love vanilla. Like L-O-V-E it. I obsess over my planner, so maybe *scheduling* things is a great idea. And you are totally right, the guilt is the driving factor in all of this. I’d rather clam up in my shell of guilt than tackle all of these dreams. Thankfully we have a sweet Jesus who will love us no matter what! Onward, we go!

  3. Hey Amanda! Came across your blog through 30 Days of Hustle. Great stuff, good writing! I have a kind of random question to ask you, you don’t mention it in the post but, Do you struggle with feelings of self condemnation? I ask because what comes through to me is that you feel like you’re not DOING enough and you list so many things that you can’t do as if there is some expectation on you to meet an invisible standard… I really struggled with feeling like I wasn’t intentional enough or showing enough love to those I love when I realised this: I AM ENOUGH. Outside all of the doing and trying to do better, you are enough ♥

    • Hi Shula! I’m so glad you somehow landed here; I’ve never heard of 30 Days of Hustle so I will have to check that out! Sister, you hit the nail on the head. YES I drown in self condemnation! I think you’re right, if I can walk away from the self condemnation I just might be able to see clearly enough that my cup is already full! Thank you for your sweet, encouraging words. I am ENOUGH! :)

  4. Make a public declaration to your close friends or to your most loyal blog followers. The good ones will understand your challenge and hold you accountable when you start to slip.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s